Monday, August 13, 2007
August 13th, 2207
It has been a really long time since I sat in church and really felt genuinely convicted. Well, yesterday this was the case! I know that I am a little "extra emotional" right now, but it wasn't that. The message was about Living with a bigger vision and one of the questions was "in what areas have your focus in life, been on the temporary". How sad I thought, lately I think that all of my focus has been on the temporary. I mean I focus on my children's happiness, but I even do that with the wrong approach. If they want it, I buy it, but how is that going to help their spiritual well being? Maybe I have been so down lately b/c my focus is more on what I physically need and less on what I spiritually need. How can God use me and my gifts if my focus is not on them. In Luke 5 Christ called Simon Peter to drop everything and follow him. Am I willing to do the same? Would I give up my fancy mini-van with the DVD player to bless Christ? That is asking nothing, and yet it would be incredibly hard for me. I truly pray that God will deal with my heart because I can't take this stuff with me to heaven, but I can take my friend and my children. I am so thankful that God has opened my eyes and my heart to something that had become completely controlling to me. It comes down to what is important to me, my house or seeing my brother in heaven with me. I would give up everything I own to see the latter!
Friday, August 10, 2007
August 10, 2007
OK, so I am getting behind already - BUT, in my defence I have had a whirlwind couple of days. Alot of things are going on right now, and they are happy things, but things I just didn't expect to happen just yet. Because of this I am under alot of stress, but I remind myself that God will never give me anything that I can't handle.
Anyways, I was wondering what devotion to read today and I just happened to be reading in one of my devotional books and there was a devotion on hurting and I began to read it. It stated "There are times in the lives of all God' children when we are called on to suffer" and it quotes Romans 5:3-4 that "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope". Hmmm, I had to pray about this one alot. And I don't really think that they are putting this the right way at all and it really began to bother me. I am not a theologian or anything like that, but they way this was worded almost sounded like this person believes that God calls us to suffer or wants us to suffer. I don't believe that completely. I do believe that we leave doors open that can allow the enemy to enter and cause us suffering and that God might not prevent it, but I don't think that he would WANT me to suffer. It is true that we learn from our suffering and from our mistakes, but what suffering is OK and what suffering is not? When I do something wrong and suffer for it, I have brought it upon myself and need to learn from my mistake. But when I am suffering for no reason - like when I had my miscarriage - what is the point behind that suffering? I certainly didn't do anything deserving of it, and I refuse to believe that God allowed that to happen to me for a reason, or to make me a better person. At what point is it God and at what point is it Satan?
I am so confused by this. I do know that God allowed Satan to cause suffering to Job, however I am pretty sure that it was more of an isolated incident. I guess I just need to keep praying on this one b/c I really don't have an answer to this one.
Anyways, I was wondering what devotion to read today and I just happened to be reading in one of my devotional books and there was a devotion on hurting and I began to read it. It stated "There are times in the lives of all God' children when we are called on to suffer" and it quotes Romans 5:3-4 that "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope". Hmmm, I had to pray about this one alot. And I don't really think that they are putting this the right way at all and it really began to bother me. I am not a theologian or anything like that, but they way this was worded almost sounded like this person believes that God calls us to suffer or wants us to suffer. I don't believe that completely. I do believe that we leave doors open that can allow the enemy to enter and cause us suffering and that God might not prevent it, but I don't think that he would WANT me to suffer. It is true that we learn from our suffering and from our mistakes, but what suffering is OK and what suffering is not? When I do something wrong and suffer for it, I have brought it upon myself and need to learn from my mistake. But when I am suffering for no reason - like when I had my miscarriage - what is the point behind that suffering? I certainly didn't do anything deserving of it, and I refuse to believe that God allowed that to happen to me for a reason, or to make me a better person. At what point is it God and at what point is it Satan?
I am so confused by this. I do know that God allowed Satan to cause suffering to Job, however I am pretty sure that it was more of an isolated incident. I guess I just need to keep praying on this one b/c I really don't have an answer to this one.
Monday, August 6, 2007
My 1st devotion - August 6, 2007
Ok, so this is my 1st blog outside of my myspace page ramblings. I actually started this b/c I am horrible at remembering - or actually taking the time - to do my daily devotions. Lately I have been noticing that I am a lot more tense and irritable and I realized that I haven't been spending the time with God that I know I need to be. Sooo, here goes....
I have done a lot of reflecting since church yesterday, and this whole series that we have been doing has really gotten me thinking. We have been talking about "Walking Across the Room". And I have to admit that this is The hardest thing for me to do. People think I am outgoing, but I am exactly the opposite, I really have to force myself to push aside my fear and talk to people because I am so afraid of being rejected. Lately I have been looking at it in a different matter though. Am I am so afraid that someone will laugh at me that I am willing to let them go to hell? What is a the chance of rejection worth in the long run? How many friends have I cost myself, and how many souls have I failed to reach?
Pastor Konan said something that really stuck with me- "the closer we walk with Christ, the more people we should be influencing." Wow, what does that one little statement say about me. I have a hard time sharing my faith with my friends, let alone strangers. And what's worse is that I should be chomping at the bit to share with my friends, b/c don't I want to see them in Heaven too? In conclusion I am so thankful to God that he bestows grace and forgiveness to me and I repent for all the wasteful time I have spent worrying that people will reject what I have to share, b/c what I have to share is so important and so much bigger then me, that it is irresponsible of me to keep it to myself. If God was willing to give up his own son for me, shouldn't I be willing to give of myself for him?
Romans 8:32 - He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
I have done a lot of reflecting since church yesterday, and this whole series that we have been doing has really gotten me thinking. We have been talking about "Walking Across the Room". And I have to admit that this is The hardest thing for me to do. People think I am outgoing, but I am exactly the opposite, I really have to force myself to push aside my fear and talk to people because I am so afraid of being rejected. Lately I have been looking at it in a different matter though. Am I am so afraid that someone will laugh at me that I am willing to let them go to hell? What is a the chance of rejection worth in the long run? How many friends have I cost myself, and how many souls have I failed to reach?
Pastor Konan said something that really stuck with me- "the closer we walk with Christ, the more people we should be influencing." Wow, what does that one little statement say about me. I have a hard time sharing my faith with my friends, let alone strangers. And what's worse is that I should be chomping at the bit to share with my friends, b/c don't I want to see them in Heaven too? In conclusion I am so thankful to God that he bestows grace and forgiveness to me and I repent for all the wasteful time I have spent worrying that people will reject what I have to share, b/c what I have to share is so important and so much bigger then me, that it is irresponsible of me to keep it to myself. If God was willing to give up his own son for me, shouldn't I be willing to give of myself for him?
Romans 8:32 - He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
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